I am a 19-year-old boy. I am having an affair with one of my classmates. We are moving to different cities for studies within a few months. She is very possessive about me and is certain that once we start living in different cities, we will drift apart. So she is forcing me to take admission in the city where she will be studying. However, that’s not feasible for my career. We end up fighting about this daily. This is making me very depressed. How do I make her see reason?

Name and address withheld

Just move out and all of this will stop. She is not going to miss you. She is just worried you might sow some oats elsewhere and this is what is keeping her anxious. All of them do this emotional blackmailing tactic: just ignore and get on with your life.

I am a 24-year-old IT engineer working in Calcutta. I am in love with my maternal uncle’s daughter for the past six years and the feeling is mutual. Is there any special marriage act that makes this kind of relationship legal? If there isn’t any, what should I do in this regard?

Subrata, via e-mail

Do you think I am a lawyer? Why can’t you use your brains and consult someone who is a specialist rather than waste my time! Can’t you see how busy I am saving all these people and helping them to either return to normalcy or commit suicide!

I am a 14-year-old girl, in love with a boy who is elder to me by a year. My problem is that he smokes pretty frequently. I can’t stop him from smoking, as he is addicted to it. How do I make him quit smoking.

Name and address withheld

Ask Anbumani Ramadoss, our venerable health minister who is an authority on how to get smokers to quit. He has tried to even get Shah Rukh Khan to quit but failed. He might succeed with your beau since obviously you seem to be going around with a commoner pretending to be an ashtray. Also, just so that you know, this world does have some non-smokers but then it is smokers like Buddhadeb Bhattacharya who become chief ministers whereas smokers like your lover remain in the CAB. If you know what I mean.

I am 37-year-old man. I want to establish a physical relationship with my mother- in-law who is 46. Both our spouses are alive. Though we used to discuss sexual matters at times, I always initiated the conversation. How should I know that she is also interested in developing such unconventional relationships? How do I convey this message to her?

Name and address withheld

Well if you are discussing sex with her, then you are already ahead in the game. Normal people discuss their children or their damn wives with their mothers-in-law. I haven’t seen many sons-in-law discussing the Kamasutra with their in-laws. So my friend, you are on clover. Don’t get off this salacious gravy train and keep us posted. We are always looking for innovative relationships and yours is pretty much on the top!